Thursday, January 29, 2009

LOL funny

I'm getting strange looks. I'm sitting here, staring at my computer screen, bursting out laughing every few seconds.

It's Bouhammer's "How To Prepare For Deployment" list, and here are just a few of the items on it (ht:WTF):

1. Sleep on a cot in the garage.

2. Replace the garage door with a curtain.

3. Six hours after you go to sleep, have your wife or girlfriend whip open the curtain, shine a flashlight in your eyes and mumble, “Sorry, wrong cot.”

4. Renovate your bathroom. Hang a green plastic sheet down from the middle of your bathtub and move the showerhead down to chest level. Keep four inches of soapy cold water on the floor. Stop cleaning the toilet and pee everywhere but in the toilet itself. Leave two to three sheets of toilet paper. Or for best effect, remove it altogether. For a more realistic deployed bathroom experience, stop using your bathroom and use a neighbor’s. Choose a neighbor who lives at least a quarter mile away.

5. When you take showers, wear flip-flops and keep the lights off.


16. Once a month, take every major appliance completely apart and put it back together again.

17. Use 18 scoops of coffee per pot and allow it to sit for five or six hours before drinking.

18. Invite at least 185 people you don’t really like because of their strange hygiene habits to come and visit for a couple of months. Exchange clothes with them.

19. Have a fluorescent lamp installed on the bottom of your coffee table and lie under it to read books.

20. Raise the thresholds and lower the top sills of your front and back doors so that you either trip over the threshold or hit your head on the sill every time you pass through one of them.

21. Keep a roll of toilet paper on your night stand and bring it to the bathroom with you. And bring your gun and a flashlight.

22. Go to the bathroom when you just have to pass gas, “just in case.” Every time.

But here's my favourite:

25. Go to the worst crime-infested place you can find, go heavily armed, wearing a flak jacket and a Kevlar helmet. Set up shop in a tent in a vacant lot. Announce to the residents that you are there to help them.

Oooh, my face hurts.


Blogger Minicapt said...

Well, for a change of pace:


6:17 p.m., January 29, 2009  
Blogger Simon said...

So many good lines...I thought all of them were hilarious. But 21,22, and 25 were the best.I would only add one...get accustomed to sleeping with a giant tarantula in a jar next to your head. So you can try to ignore the useful idiot next to you...who keeps a camel spider as a pet...

2:46 a.m., January 30, 2009  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Way to close to the truth. No one will believe it.

3:48 a.m., January 30, 2009  

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